Desperately Seeking —



By Kit-Bacon Gressitt

Reading Internet search terms is as compelling an experience as reading a good novel. I discovered this when my dear, darling website designer did a software thingy I don’t understand, something involving computer magic that captures the search terms that land folks on my site. I will be forever indebted and disconcerted.

The words people type into search engines are varyingly mysterious, obvious, enlightening, funny, sad, perverse, disturbing, frightening and occasionally idiotic. And many of them are just odd enough — or grotesque enough — that I am forced to repeat the search to determine why in the name of whatever the term brought the searcher to my cyber door.

Just last week, an unidentifiable degenerate searched for “7to9 boys/nude.” After learning from the local Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force that there’s not much they can do without an IS address, I added the search to the list I obsessively keep and wondered if, given human history, pedophilia could be a distant point on the natural order spectrum. Then I gnoshed on the satisfying notion of cruel and unusual punishment.

Such extreme examples aside, a public review of incoming searches might be interesting, perhaps entertaining, or maybe it will actually encourage folks to think twice before they google something really stupid. So, for your reading pleasure, here are the first one hundred searches that brought folks to ExcuseMeImWriting.com.



Fallbrook Sunset

1.  vibes - domestic violence

2.  what do most people do for a living in afghanistan

3.  Fallbrook magic mushroom

4.  i lift my leafy arms to pray

5.  dove bullets

6.  fear of feminism

7.  victor villasenor and gays

8.  kids morning ablutions

9.  rural kids barefoot

10. i'm a physician and my hands are killing

11. old insane asylums

12. dirty sex words signs and stickers

13. baby be-bop controversy

14. academics vs athletics

15. tomato in the trees

16. beast - profanity?

17. chuck norris 1

18. chuck norris side view

19. dangerous angels

20. is population a excuse for no healthcare

21. jaghori

22. fears about women turn of the century

23. yes! sticker

24. who do i call to oppose health care reform

25. frankau

26. fotos de trupianos bistro in fallbrook

27. feminism quotes in 2009

28. fight in parking lot

29. attention whore sticker

30. woman beaten at suffrage parade 1913

31. me

32. 1920's insane asylum texas

33. women's fear of feminism

34. the mel sanger lies

35. obama is the antichrist

36. Hospice dying

37. fear of feminism

38. why is baby be-bop a bad book

39. san diego poetry readings

40. hospice dying

41. Tillman gressitt

42. Creative rainbow

43. writing about typical morning

44. what do most people do for a job in afghanistan

45. who do i call for health care reform

46. Leftover soap chips

47. chuck norris struck lighting

48. chuck norris tough

49. 2009 for marriage yoga for gamini

50. chuck norris gay

51. Don’t be gaycist

52. Fear of feminism

53. who do you call for help with child care

54. Father’s love

55. baby bop's tea set margaret

56. fear of feminism equal rights amendment

57. can i work overseas and still get california unemployment

58. "pat robertson" married pregnant girlfriend

59. “sarah palin” and “short skirts”

60. individual and typical qualities of chuck norris

61. who do you call when someone is crazy

62. book store in fallbrook, ca

63. religious medical excuse

64. explain health reform bill

65. "women's equality day" anti Christian

66. can edd find out that im attending college

67. dying mother

68. woman on toilet seat

69. palin writing ability

70. no jews in fallbrook

71. Reasonable excuses for turning in a late…

72. The nice part of living in a small town

73. Excuse for sending late continued claim form

74. Homily minding your own business

75. Health care reform legislation explain

76. Jaghori afghanistan

77. Fathers accused of child abuse

78. How to get father off child abuse charge

79. How to write an excuse me letter

80. EDD federal extension

81. Excuse me seventeen club free

82. Checked wrong box on California unemployment

83. Have interview with edd for sending form

84. Pictures of young homeless addicts

85. Fallbrook racism

86. Fallbrook the friendly village

87. Child abuse

88. Give heed

89. Homeless trucker gay

90. turn of the century intellectuals

91. Submitting your work to MOMA

92. How to get a judge to excuse parent

93. What do I click on in Word that tells me

94. What do the Afghan people want?

95. Fallbrook girls looking to party

96. Fallbrook mayor

97. Fallbrook lychee fruit

98. Fallbrook youth prevention group

99. Writers Read Fallbrook

100. Ann Coulter evil

If you're curious, you can copy and paste any of the terms into the search window at the top of this page and see what the search engine picked up. Have fun. ...

Love, K-B

©2010 Kit-Bacon Gressitt