Desperately seeking, more

By Kit-Bacon Gressitt

It is approaching two years since I shared the inner sanctum of my site, those captured search terms folks query that refer them to excusemeimwriting.com. When I first wrote on this topic, in 2009, I found the terms “mysterious, obvious, enlightening, funny, sad, perverse, disturbing, frightening and occasionally idiotic.” I’ve since contemplated the implied context associated with each search, and it’s a toss-up as to which is more startling, the actual words or what they suggest about the people who typed them.

“Is it abuse if hes only hit me once” broke my heart, the fear and unfounded hope implicit in the words. I wanted to reach into cyberspace, wrap my arms around the person who typed that, and say, “Yes it is! Run away, now!” But all I could do was add a note with my phone number to the column that the search engine had found.

One of the more common types of searches queries the sexual orientation of the notable and notorious. Hundreds of “Is [fill in the blank] gay?” searches have brought folks to my site, wondering if various politicians (or their kids), authors, and other people of note are ... what, vulnerable to a homophobic attack or an outing? I prefer to hope that these are the searches of the lovelorn, trolling for objects of romantic quest. But their frequency picked up with the GOP presidential primaries, so that hope, too, is likely unfounded.

The multitude of seemingly racist, xenophobic and ignorant searches are, thankfully, outweighed by those without apparent commentary, for example, “jaghori afghanistan,” which ranks high on my site. But then things like “what do afghans call santa” and “what do the people of afghanistan do?” pop up, and our many failures in that distant land are painfully contextualized in Western hegemonic clarity. At least they are asking. …

The clitoris is another very popular search topic that has brought seekers to my site. I suspect most of them are disappointed when they click on the link and find a piece on female genital mutilation — or “genetical mutilation,” as one query was typed. Generally, things sexual dominate all other categories, and I’ve removed the most ridiculous of them from the selection of recent search terms below, but all spelling and syntactical errors are left intact. Sometimes, they’re half the fun.

Enjoy. Or cringe.

Love, K-B
"signing your life away " marriages "small barnyard animals" "vintage" weber grill
2010 protection of marriage act petition a boy and a girl wallpaper abortion in toilet
absence from class because moms dies email accidental love acupuncture female genital
agnostics near fallbrook alien excuse poems amount of mexicans living in fallbrook
angry man with tv remote ant farm escaped anti-abortion to control women
anti-suffrage men assange and john wayne at home abortion kit
attacks on palin attempted murder survivors baby bottle fundraiser poem
barefoot women in new Zealand battling angels be humble
being hit once equals domestic violence being put on a pedestal quotes beret gendarme vintage fashion
big tight hug bill horn corrupt Boosiasm
bush's bad executive orders california ballot initiatives elite carly fiorina hp failure
censored injustice ceo killed by elephant child model sexgallery
christian fear of feminism christian women equality circumcising vs not circumcising
clitoris boy clitoris comparison clitoris long
clitoral mutilation coed breast communist scare fallbrook 1960s
cool rubber boots cowboy crotches crime, violence at the santa margarita river
crummy church signs csusm matt weaver arrested culture as an excuse for domestic violence
custom full helmet womens mohawk david sedaris's mother pics dead soldiers sign
death to sexual predators debt solution stellar def comedy jam trying to dispose of me
defenceless involuntary manslaughter dexter morgan blowjob do not resuscitate marines
double primary paranoia doublewides with decks dr laura rejected by her mother
dwarf in fallbrook ca died earth fair 2012 san diego anti abortion eat to your own condemnation
empty can equality poems ethnic clitoris differences
excuse me i'm looking at the water excuse me i'm writing here...vagina spray excuse me sex
face sags when leaning over Fallbrook and racism and 2009 fallbrook grove pickers
fallbrook hospital sucks fallbrook pro life canitates for nov fallbrook sex dating
fallbrook too many Mexicans fallbrook winery abortion female circumcision comparison pictures
feminine hygiene aisle in store free pool voyeur french bistro pissoir
funniest ballot propositions genetical mutilation george w. bush misbehaving
god hates fags god homosexuality god loves
good short story for psychiatric pts Grandma gum tree lane cultivating marijuana fallbrook
h1n1 outbreak in fallbrook happier than a bird with a french fry his escuses to hit you
homophobia solutions hotlines hospice "many moons" "james thurber" how did meg whitman wreck ebay
how do ballot initiatives help the elite how to ryte excuse later how to spray paint a ceiling fan
Howrepublicansfeelaboutwelphare i am still reaching through your ribs I hate fallbrook
i just want a wife i'm a 60 year old virgin i'm a victim of roe vs wade
i'm alive in christ he's alive in me i'm an immigrant and lives in illinois i'm liberal and i'm proud
I’m against sexual preditors if obama likes bacon illustration of courage being exemplified
im sizzling burning hot vote for me im sorry i hit your car and im writing im writing a military guy for the first
im writing a story help me get the word is it legal to withhold birth control? is jen lancaster pro choice?
italians being lynched in the south jaghori girls janet please marry me please before it's
just smile and pretend everything's okay koala alex gauthier krishna+saltpeter
lesbian neurologist lets talk marriage and family light through moving fan
lilies of the valley deck my garden walk linda thompson+manatee fiesta love plan b no pregnancy!
lunar landing conspiracy theory mel sang manhattan declaration promoters marijuana compound in fallbrook
marine corps wisdom marriage game over sticker marriage same sex talk with kids
matthew shepard fence meg whitman is a freak men don't listen
men fed up with feminism menopause and feeling squeamish mexican contact with aliens
middle aged mother naked in the scower mombassa big thighs monsters vs aliens feminism
naked in fallbrook nanny gets 8 years in tot's beating nude fallbrook chicks
oj simpson domestic violence old-timers writing container parsing sarah palin's sentences
pashtuns and hazaras penis exam tubes people killed by freak accidents
persimon picking fallbrook poems celebrating women poems about how a tree turns into a napkin
possible solutions to homophobia pray not pregnant pretty clitoris
pubic hair toothbrush ritual satanic reaction, god reasons to like obama
religious acts of prejudice religious freedom ballot measures rhyming poem on domestic violence
ridiculous initiatives proposed in calif rubber bands factory saint michael protect us truck sticker
satan chained up for one thousand years satanic meth smoking rituals senior citizen parking sign
sex in insane asylums sexy canadian short skit on lack of hospital in village
short stories on physician compassion silhouette of woman touching herself sleeping under ceiling fan
small penis gesture small town politics agenda somebody love you somebody hit you
spittoon cowboy spit stop female genital mutilation studies of equality of men and women
suffrage Italian suffrage of the holocaust talking to children about same sex marriage
teens in insane asylums teens party in houses vacancy in fallbrook televangelist feminism encourages women
terms of venery the controversy about the book baby be-bop the mind has no sex female anatomy
the truth about fiorini and abortion-home to secure and to serve Tom Robbins hiatus
tsa boob grope types of shit ucsc slug slippers baby
ugliest library ultrasound jokes uncle milton ant farm ants died?
unite against war on women unwanted hug us marine corps circumcised
vagina monologues cupcake pictures vagina sprays work? was roald dahl circumcised
weird vagina tattoos what do afghans call santa what do ants eat in an ant farm
what do the people of afghanistan do? what does it mean to be a feminist what does sue monk kidd say about abortion
what does women's equality day mean today what does wouldn't be prudent mean what is the fear of feminism
what is the initiative industrial complex what it means to be a feminist today what items are in a day of the dead altar
what to do when somebody hits you what to talk about in gay marriage paper when did poetry stop rhyming
which is right im or i'm in writing who is a sesquipedalianist who lives in fairbanks ranch
why are men anti abortion why bob hope responds to lady avocado why can't men look me in the eye?
why is there a hole in the clitorous why sexism persist why women fear feminism
will doctors prescribe narcotics for a baby will edd accept death in family as excuse woman with mustache
women's day editorial summer's eve ad word for the love of pain world war ii bomber crew reunion stories
writing about me writing about small town culture wwii sweatheart quilt marriage