Marine Corps-isms 11 February 2010

The Wisdom of Staff Officers

Recently resurrected by the local USMC humor circuit. ... Not that Marines understand humor.

At this Command, we have written in large, black letters: DNR (Do Not Resuscitate) on the back of our security badges.     – MAJ (CENTCOM)

“Leaning forward” is really just the first phase of “falling on your ass.”     – MARINE COL (MARFOREUR)

I am so far down the food chain that I've got plankton bites on my butt.     – LTC (ARCENT)

None of us is as dumb as all of us.     – Excerpted from a brief (EUCOM)

We're from the nuke shop, sir. We're the crazy aunt in the closet that nobody likes to talk about.     – LTC (EUCOM)

Things are looking up for us here. In fact, Papua-New Guinea is thinking of offering two platoons: one of Infantry (headhunters) and one of engineers (hut builders). They want to eat any Iraqis they kill. We've got no issues with that, but State is being anal about it.      – LTC (JS) on OIF coalition building

The chance of success in these talks is the same as the number of R's in “fat chance.”      – GS-15 (SHAPE)

His knowledge on that topic is only power point deep.     – MAJ (JS)

Ya'll know, in this Command, if the world were supposed to end tomorrow, the sh** would still happen behind schedule.      – CWO4 (EUCOM)

We are condemned men who are chained and will row in place until we rot.     – LTC (CENTCOM)

Right now we're pretty much the ham in a bad ham sandwich.     – GO/FO (EUCOM)

If we wait until the last minute to do it, it'll only take a minute.     – MAJ (EUCOM)

The only reason that anything ever gets done is because there are pockets of competence in every command. The key is to find them ... and then exploit the hell out of 'em.     – CDR (CENTCOM)

I may be slow, but I do poor work.     – MAJ (USAREUR)

Cynicism is the smoke that rises from the ashes of burned out dreams.     – MAJ (CENTCOM)

We are the reason that Rumsfeld hates us.     – LTC (EUCOM)

Working with Hungary is like watching a bad comedy set on auto

repeat.     – LCDR (EUCOM)

I finally figured out that when a Turkish officer tells you, It's no

problem, he means, for him.     – MAJ (EUCOM)

Never in the history of the US Armed Forces have so many done so much for so few.     – MAJ on the Free Iraqi Forces (FIF) Training Program

Our days are spent trying to get some poor, unsuspecting third world country to pony up to spending a year in a sweltering desert, full of pissed off Arabs who would rather shave the back of their legs with a cheese grater than submit to foreign occupation by a country for whom they have nothing but contempt.     – LTC (JS)

I guess the next thing they'll ask for is 300 US citizens with Hungarian last names to send to Iraq.     – MAJ (JS) on Phase IV of Iraqi coalition building

Between us girls, would it help to clarify the issue if you knew that Hungary is land-locked?     – CDR to MAJ (EUCOM) on why a deployment from Hungary is likely to proceed by air vice sea

I'll be right back. I have to go pound my nuts flat.     – LTC (EUCOM)

I guess this is the wrong power cord for the computer, huh?     – LTC USMC

(EUCOM) after the smoke cleared from plugging his 110V computer into a

220V outlet

OK, this is too stupid for words.     – LTC (JS)

When you get right up to the line that you're not supposed to cross, the only person in front of you will be me!     – CDR (CENTCOM) on political correctness in the military

There's nothing wrong with crossing that line a little bit, it's jumping over it buck naked that will probably get you in trouble.     – LTC (EUCOM) responding to the above

Never pet a burning dog.     – LTC

Ah, the joys of Paris: a unique chance to swill warm wine and be mesmerized by the dank ambrosia of unkempt armpits.     – LCDR (NAVEUR)

We are now past the good idea cutoff point.     – MAJ (JS)

Nobody ever said you had to be smart to make 0-6.     – COL (EUCOM)

I seem to be rapidly approaching the apex of my mediocre career.     – MAJ (JS)

It's not a lot of work unless you have to do it.     – LTC (EUCOM)

Creating smoking holes (with bombs) gives our lives meaning and enhances our manliness.     – LTC (EUCOM)

Once you accept that a dog is a dog, you can't get upset when it barks.     – LTC (USSOCOM)

That guy just won't take “yes” for an answer.     – MAJ (EUCOM)

Let's just call Lessons Learned what they really are: institutionalized scab picking.     – LTGEN (9th AF)

I can describe what it feels like being a Staff Officer in two words: distilled pain.     – CDR (NAVEUR)

When all else fails, simply revel in the absurdity of it all.     – LCDR (CENTCOM)