Let Them Eat Harvest Boxes

By Kit-Bacon Gressitt


President Donald Trump’s 2019 budget request includes a proposal to significantly reduce Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP) subsidies for low-income families and replace them with “America’s Harvest Boxes,” filled with items selected by the federal government.

So just what would these hungry families receive from the Trump administration?

Harvest Box Contents

harvest boxes
1 NRA bumper sticker Give it to your parole officer if you don't own a car.

1 jar USDA peanut butter, smooth Don’t be picky; chunks cost more.

4 cans USDA lima beans You get hungry enough, anyone will eat them.

1 bottle of aspirin Hold one aspirin between your knees to prevent rape, STDs and more welfare babies.
harvest boxes
1 pair of Ivanka Trump pumps, black Good for job interviews, and what a fabulous deal she gave the USDA!

6 boxes USDA pasta Just load it with salt—the kids will love it.
harvest boxes
1 copy of Think Like a Billionaire by Donald J. Trump Another great deal for the USDA and an even greater book!

1 Mylar blanket Use in case of flood, fire or inability to pay for heat.

6 Happy Meal coupons Eat like a president, and thanks, McDonald’s, for the campaign support—huge!

1 MAGA baseball cap, blue The campaign can’t get rid of them, so we’re going for the tax write off.

2 boxes USDA-approved breakfast cereal, less than 6 grams of sugar per dry ounce Be sure to add plenty of sugar if you want the kiddies to eat it.

2 cartons Ultra-High-Temperature pasteurized milk in aseptic packaging Tastes like the packaging but beggars can’t be choosers, and when your electricity is shut off, it’ll last forever. So drink your milk and read Think Like a Billionaire. You’ll never make it to the White House like me, but you might get out of the ghetto.