Forsake the Writing Life: Save the Baby Bison

Forsake the Writing Life: Save the Baby Bison
By Kit-Bacon Gressitt

Yesterday morning, I sat at my desk, committed to adding 2,000 words to my mediocre American novel manuscript, but I just wanted to clear out my emails before getting started. The first one asked me to save newborn buffalo, but I didn’t want to think about their wobbly little legs, shattered in a stampeding frenzy. Then Amazon suggested, based on my previous purchases, that I might like to order John Stossel's “Politically Incorrect Guide to Politics,” except what Amazon doesn’t know is that Stossel kind of gives me the creeps. I could have read a joke about $7 sex, and my husband has been traveling a lot lately, so I did, and then I thought maybe I shouldn’t have, but...

Fallbrookisms





























14 May 2009

 

At Café des Artistes Brett: I know a girl who went out with the Lakers. Everyone in the Café: All of them?! Fallbrook’s Writers Read, featuring author T. Jefferson Parker Jeff’s agent, reporting that he’d sold his second novel, outlined on a cocktail napkin for his editor: “Congratulations, we’ve sold the napkin!” On the writing process: “I really don’t know what I’m doing ahead of time. It’s not execution of a plan; it’s a journey of discovery.” And where does Jeff do his writing? “I waddle out to my metal building. … It’s my man room.”     Read more Fallbrookisms...

From One Mother to Another

From One Mother to Another
By Kit-Bacon Gressitt Today is the day we honor mothers, and in this great country of ours, marketing geeks nationwide have provided us myriad ways in which to do so. For those with unlimited resources and abundant aversion to their mothers, there are some very nice travel deals that put the old lady and her European houseboy well out of sight and sound for an extended stay — the perfect gift for sucking up in abstentia while securing one’s inheritance. For those who’ve learned to stop blaming their mothers for whom they’ve become — moneyed or not — there are plenty of less extravagant options, in keeping with our doddering economy, for letting her know of your undying gratitude. Most facile, perhaps, is to...

Fallbrookisms

07 May 2009   Billboard at First Christian Church

Don’t take tomorrow to bed with you.                                        – Norman Vincent Peale Editor's note: In 1960, representing a group of Protestant clergymen opposed to the election of John F. Kennedy as president, Peale also said, "Faced with the election of a Catholic, our culture is at stake.” At Café des Artistes

Michael: I don’t put any shit on my body. Bob: You said you don’t put ape shit on your body? Michael: That would be better than cologne.

Bob: Hope springs eternal when the orthopedist tells you can’t have, ah– Michael: Sex? Read more Fallbrookisms...

Were a Flu Pandemic Upon Us

Were a Flu Pandemic Upon Us
By Kit-Bacon Gressitt   In 2007, a wildfire blew into my little California town on the fickle winds of Santa Ana, and all of Fallbrook was evacuated. Reverse 911 calls alerting us to leave town went out to some neighborhoods but not all — and people who use only cell phones were out of the loop. Without personal plans for evacuation, many of us tossed whatever was at hand into our vehicles, leaving behind vital documents, medicines and priceless keepsakes. We tried to beat a swift path to safety, but were confused about where we were supposed to go. One public agency’s outgoing message directed us to an evacuation shelter that didn’t exist. Then the firefighting teams from far and wide that...

Fallbrookisms

30 April 2009   From Fallbrook's Baskin-Robbins

Clerk: Straight Talk Crunch is, like, our Republican ice cream. Customer: What’s the Democratic ice cream? Clerk: That’s Whirl of Change. We’re out of it — it was really popular. From a Fallbrook toddler Tomorrow, when I grow up, I’ll stop doing that. Over a cup of coffee My time for promiscuity was so long ago, I forgot I ever was. From a writer seeking publication I don’t know how disposed you are toward publishing stylistic oddities, but– Read more...

The Economy of Family

























By Kit-Bacon Gressitt

 

My mother is a child of the Depression: She throws out nothing. We always knew this without ever consciously acknowledging it, because as children we were plagued a couple times a week by Mother’s lovingly prepared olios of leftovers. Oh, they started as wondrous things, her exquisite curried cauliflower and Maryland country ham or marinated skirt steak and asparagus with hollandaise sauce. But recycling the remnants of her popular dishes into something akin to string bean and cream of mushroom soup casserole adorned with onion rings, hurriedly served on choir practice nights, proved a challenge to the palates of kids who had never been allowed so much as a whiff of the Hostess cream-filled cupcakes so seductively pitched on...

Fallbrookisms

Fallbrookisms
23 April 2009   A bumper sticker Don’t vote; it only encourages them. A writer My wife says my writing gives her a headache A reader K-B was born with Roget’s Thesaurus in her mouth — and she’s never recovered. A sign             Read more...

Fallbrookisms



















16 April 2009  

Overheard at the old Mail Boxes, Etc.

She: Men don’t listen. He: Men don’t listen to women.

Bumper stickers adorning a single car parked off Main Street

Don’t blame me I voted for Sarah

We the people say DRILL NOW!

Sarah Palin A hero for REAL women

You can keep “the change” Palin 2012

and a National Rifle Association emblem

Read more...



 

 

 

 

Child Abuse and Neglect Kill 1,500 Children Every Year

















By Kit-Bacon Gressitt

 

 

April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month, and a Google news search for “child abuse” produced the following articles — published over only three days. Infant death suspect was awaiting trial in earlier child abuse Florida — A 27-year-old Davenport man who is charged with killing an infant in Osceola County on Monday was out on bail awaiting trial in an earlier child abuse case. Man pleads not guilty in child abuse case Ohio — A man accused of strapping a toddler to a toilet seat pleaded not guilty to child endangering charges in Clark County Municipal court Monday, April 6. Richmond woman pleads insanity in son's abuse death California — A Richmond woman charged with murder, torture and child abuse in the 2006...

Fallbrookisms

09 April 2009   From a Fallbrook yard My greatest frustration is I can’t take other people’s manuscripts in the hot tub. Heard around town

He: Why do you suppose blond jokes are all one-liners? She: So you guys can remember them. In Major Market After one shopper delivered a long and colorful rant about the recent G20 summit in London, another shopper asked, “What’s a G20 summit?” From a local teen The difference between racism and homophobia is when you’re black, you don’t have to break it to your parents. Read more...

Death of U.S. Newspapers Greatly Exaggerated?

By Kit-Bacon Gressitt

    Enchanted April, a film based on a 1922 novel by Countess Elizabeth von Arnim, opens to the dreary winter cityscape of a drenched 1920 London. The camera captures a chance glimpse by dowdy hausfrau Lottie Wilkins of a newspaper advertisement for a small, medieval Italian castle to let on the shores of the Mediterranean. The unfolding and folding of the newspaper, Lottie’s desperate pursuit of the rental, and her ultimate blossoming amid the Italian wisteria and sunshine could eventually prove an allegory for the transition of U.S. newspapers — to whatever it is they will become. But for now, they mostly stagnate in the dismal downpour of winter’s remnants, unable to step back from the chilling splash of...

Fallbrookisms

02 April 2009

  From Eileen G., many moons ago The fundamental difference between men and women is not what’s between the legs but what’s between the ears. On a church billboard Happiness is the byproduct of obedience. From Village European Auto

Customer 1: I like the Obama and No on Prop. 8 bumper stickers on that GMC. Liberals are few and far between in Fallbrook. Customer 2: Not few and far between enough! A belly dancer at Heritage Hall I must be veil impaired! Read more...

Prop. 8: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Equality

Prop. 8: A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Equality
By Kit-Bacon Gressitt Last October, I posted a “No on Prop. 8” sign on my front gate — with staples spaced every inch along the edge to assure anyone who wanted to steal the thing would have to work hard for it. The general election came and went, but the sign has remained; not because of the staples, but because I am determined to keep it up until we overturn the California ballot initiative’s resulting constitutional amendment that denied marriage to the approximately 6 percent of our population that is gay. OK, and because I’m a stubborn wench. When I first put up the sign, I expected a neighborly frown or two in response, so I was pleasantly surprised when the...

Fallbrookisms

26 March 2009

Fallbrook, new and old I don’t understand poetry, but I do understand coffee and pastries.                                                                                            – Jane, on poetry readings

If you use my letter, I would prefer my name be printed “J.T.” because my dad says using my real name could hurt his business. Wow, if that isn’t a Fallbrook attitude!                                                   ...

Fallbrookisms







19 March 2009 Coffee at Café des Artistes

1. Patron 1: Have you ever been married? Patron 2: Yes, twice. One was really, really short. Proprietor: And one was really, really tall?

2. Patron 2: A wise woman said there’s no healthy way to avoid grieving. Patron 3: Is this like Confucius? Patron 1: Are you confused?

3. George: I always look for the life in things; when things seem bleak and barren, why waste energy on being sad – I look for the life. Brett: How refreshing, a young man with insight. Read more...

Fallbrookisms

12 March 2009  

From Writers Read at Café des Artistes

1. Betty: I don’t want to be any sort of an icon. David and Patty: But you are one! Betty: Oh shit!

2. Taylor: Just because people are nice, doesn’t mean they are innocent.

3. Server: I’m a server. I serve people. Customer: Do you have bigger aspirations? Server: Is there a bigger career than service?

Read more...

Prop. 8: Sex and the Suspect Class

By Kit-Bacon Gressitt   “Suspect class.” It sounds ominous, foreboding, as though members of this shady group should be studiously avoided, particularly in places of dark and dismal urban decay. Except, most of the people I know and adore — or at least tolerate fondly — are subject to this classification system. The term is actually a bit of legalese, defining groups whose very natures make them likely targets of discrimination. The U.S. Supreme Court identifies race, religion, national origin and legal alien status as suspect classifications, and claims of unconstitutional discrimination based on these categories receive the highest level of scrutiny by U.S. courts. (Gender is afforded the dubious distinction of being a “quasi-suspect class,” in keeping with the quasi-equality women are allotted...

Fallbrookisms

05 March 2009

 

Fallbrook dog owner There's no sense in trying to get a dog to lose weight in Fallbrook — they  just go out in the grove and eat another five avocados. Heard in a Fallbrook store My sister’s funeral is Saturday. She’s not dead yet, but they went ahead and scheduled it. Two bumper stickers on the same car on Main Street

I support Greenpeace I graduated Ditto Cum Laude from Rush Limbaugh Institute  Heard about town The problem with Fallbrook is that it was settled by Midwesterners, and it’s gone downhill ever since. … No, no! Just kidding!                                                            – Anonymous Read more...

The March of Women’s Rights









By Kit-Bacon Gressitt

 

March is Women’s History Month, which opens the proverbial door to a smorgasbord of juicy topics. To begin, there’s the scarcity of content about women’s contributions to our nation in public school curricula; hence the designated month and the Women’s History Project. While some folks debate the need for February as Black American’s month of note, I’m not so eager to give up March. Consider the ongoing disregard — or is it disdain? — of the women’s rights movement that created fertile territory for our accomplishments of the last century. Although, tallying what we have achieved, what we haven’t and where we’re losing ground is a painful calculation. Perhaps most illustrative of the need to better educate school children — and...