Prejudice, Hope and the American Way

By Kit-Bacon Gressitt The woman was looking into the eyes, sad and old, of a bright young man when she was reminded of an even older scene that absorbed her focus, and her stare turned blank. In the moment long gone, the woman was loving her six-year-old daughter, returned from a day of finding her place in her first-grade world. The child nestled into her mother’s lap and declared it a good day — because she’d made friends with Chrissy, the really nice girl with wispy blond hair and eyes as blue as the marbles in the marble jar, and they’d both gotten smiley faces on their writing worksheets and they had matching pencils and they were going to be best...

Obama Cabinet Nominees: Where Are the Women?

Obama Cabinet Nominees: Where Are the Women?
By Kit-Bacon Gressitt   President-elect Barack Obama is naming names — well, no, someone is deftly leaking them. Regardless, given the brilliant and well-accoutered rivals, intimates and mutual admiration society members from whom he’s selecting his cabinet nominees, the country is likely to enjoy the perks and quirks of some very interesting minds. Being of the female persuasion, I’m particularly keen on the minds of women whose names are making it up the flagpole. Sen. Hillary Clinton (D-NY) as Secretary of State is a nice plug to chaw: The thrill of her former presidential campaign supporters is surely matched by the horror of those who would have voted for anyone but Clinton for president had she won the primaries — even Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin, who...

Eat, Drink and Mind Your Own Business

Eat, Drink and Mind Your Own Business
By Kit-Bacon Gressitt “Persons in this condition should not receive Holy Communion until and unless they are reconciled to God in the Sacrament of Penance, lest they eat and drink their own condemnation.” This sounds a little too scatological for comfort, which might not be particularly surprising given the source, a Roman Catholic priest in Greenville, S.C., and the context of contemporary Catholicism in which all things down there seem irrevocably tainted. (Is “contemporary” a misnomer?) Nonetheless, this is how the Rev. Jay Scott Newman counseled President-elect Barack Obama supporters at St. Mary’s Catholic Church against taking a seat at the Lord’s table until they atone for the sin of voting for a candidate who lacks awareness that abortion “is the greatest...

When It Was All Over

When It Was All Over
By Kit-Bacon Gressitt   We felt cocky enough to bring two bottles of Veuve Clicquot champagne to election night dinner at the new Royal Thai restaurant in Atlantic Highlands, my mother’s town. The Jersey Shore community is home to Republicans and Democrats adequately civil to hold simultaneous events in adjacent rooms at The Shore Casino. It is where Mother and Father settled in for the last legs of their careers; where he retired and she refused to; where he keeled over in the kitchen one afternoon and she sat on the stairs and wept; where she has spent the last twelve years missing him; where I was visiting from California to help prepare her for the move into my sister’s home; where...

A Letter From Sarah Palin

A Letter From Sarah Palin
By Kit-Bacon Gressitt   My husband received a letter from Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin Wednesday. I was interested because we hadn’t previously received anything from Palin, and, after her rather vitriolic campaign speeches to the converted, I was particularly curious about what she would have to say to a bipartisan household such as ours. Imagine my disappointment when I learned from Palin that I — along with all Democrats — possess a “fearful and pessimistic mentality.” She also suggested I don’t share the “spirit, courage and strength” of my Republican husband. Wowy, I guess I suck! How could I have not known this? How has Steve put up with me all these years?! I’ve skated through adulthood thinking the occasional lows were just...

Picking On Sarah Palin

By Kit-Bacon Gressitt   I’ve been accused of picking on Sarah Palin. Apparently many Sarah fans would prefer we all be gentle with the little lady, tone down the challenging language (despite her rabble-rousing ugly language in others), maybe hold the door for her (OK, I like this one, too).

One friend even suggested that were Palin pro-choice, our common body parts would have precluded my writing about her as I have (read You Can Put Lipstick On a Fib and On Sarah Palin). Pshaw! (There, that was toned-down language.) As I’ve written before, body parts do not a feminist make, and Sarah Palin is no feminist; paltry is more like it. However, I have pretty much had enough of her, but in deference to...

Becoming the Enemy

By Kit-Bacon Gressitt   In our zeal to win, our passion to topple the opposition, our thirst to put our favored candidate in the throne, we’re transforming the traditional campaign groupies — the mothers with kissable babies, the cheering sign bearers, the grannies who stuff envelopes, the enthralled hand-shakers — into troglodytes, littering the road to the White House with verbal rough-hewn clubs, false accusations and defaced yard signs.

During the presidential primary, one idiot asked about Hillary Clinton, “How do we beat the bitch?” which a flustered John McCain fumblingly described as “an excellent question.” More recently, a couple hoodlums yelled "Kill him!" and called Barack Obama a “Terrorist!” which Sarah Palin ignored, but the Secret Service did not. Another doofus reviled Obama with, “He’s...

Johnboy Blues

By John Bacon

 

Editor’s note: This piece mentions reproductive body parts in both clinical and crude terms. Read at your own risk. Aren't women with penis envy those who want to walk, talk, function and compete in a man's world, but feel they can't because they have a vagina between their legs instead of a penis? If this is accurate, they should rethink their position, as women have all the power. The power of the pussy, if I may be so crude, is the strongest power in the world. Even the lowest street hooker knows this to be true. No man throughout time has ever been able to come up with a stronger mind-control drug than the sweet scent of vagina. Start at...

The Truth About Lying

The Truth About Lying
By Kit-Bacon Gressitt   Lying is a bad thing. From children, who’ve barely acquired enough language to do so, to the president and members of his administration commonly accused of it as prelude to the Iraq War, we all know we’re not supposed to lie. Of course we do it anyway. But the boldfaced lie (BFL) seems a thing of the past. I miss its clear and direct nature, its economy of deceit and relative ease of exposure. Instead of the BFL, liars now machinate their ways around the malevolence of lying via euphemism: Lying isn’t quite so despicable when it’s thought of as fibbing, dissembling, bluffing or the contemporary classics perfected by our leaders: misspeaking and having no recollection of a particular...

Isn't Love All You Need?

Isn't Love All You Need?
By Kit-Bacon Gressitt CHAPTER 1. They meet at a mutual friend’s wedding. “Oh yes, hi! Audry’s told me so much about you!” “Oh yeah? Should I duck?” “No, no. She’s your most ardent fan — and a great sales rep. My little heart’s going pitter patter in your manly presence.” “She’s told me a whole lot about you too — every factoid of it favorable, of course, intentionally tailored to the male on the prowl. So, I suppose this is a set up?” “We’d be fools not to admit it. But she does have lovely taste. Perhaps we should sample the glass before we reject the vintage?” “Say what?” “Oh, who cares if she’s playing Yenta? We’re the only two left at this shindig who’re young enough...

She Does Nails

She Does Nails
By Kit-Bacon Gressitt She struts in on someone’s arm, a support she doesn’t need in the slightest and promptly abandons. Her hennaed hair, engineer’s boots, magenta fingernails and matching lips; all five feet eleven inches of her are more than enough to stop everyone mid-conversation and carry their attention with ease. And when she sits down — her legs spread wide in black leather pants fitted for a stunningly identical mold — she’s still bigger than any man in the room. And they are, all the men, riveted as tightly to her as her pants. So, in fact, are the women. The accountant she’s pounced next to, a guy who surely counts his luck at being close enough to smell the mixture of her leather...

On Sarah Palin, the Woman Who Would Be Vice President of the United States of America

By Kit-Bacon Gressitt   I would never vote for Sarah Palin for anything, based on the few issue statements she has managed to articulate, but I would have appreciated a female vice presidential candidate of either party with the character, knowledge and wisdom to serve as a role model for girls and young women around the world. Instead, in Sarah Palin we have an immature, unseasoned and unreasoned politician who relies on her femininity to win a point, an ambitious woman who resorts to cutie-pie shtick when she can't deliver substance. If Sarah Palin had a penis, she would never have degenerated to flirtatious body language and coquettish responses in a United States vice presidential debate watched by concerned people around the world. She also...

The Bailout Diaries

By Kit-Bacon Gressitt   Sat 20 Sep 08 Dear Diary: President Bush announced we’re in the middle of a huge financial crisis and he has a bailout plan that needs Congressional action pronto! Too bad they didn’t do something sooner — might have prevented the Lehman Brothers bankruptcy, the Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac takeover, the messes at Merrill Lynch, Bear Stearns and Countrywide, the lifesaving $85 billion loan to American International Group. Who are these folks, anyway? The only thing I know about AIG it runs ads with weirdly articulate children, so it just frosts my derriere that we’re giving so much money to perfect strangers. And now Bush wants us to spend $700 billion to buy bad-mortgage-backed securities to improve the...

You Can Put Lipstick On a Fib

You Can Put Lipstick On a Fib
By Kit-Bacon Gressitt I'm a feminist writer. This means I advocate for women to have the same rights and opportunities as men. It does not mean I sent my daughter to kindergarten with a prophylactic in her Polly Pocket lunchbox.

Can you put lipstick on a pig? As a feminist, I support candidates who support feminism, for instance, Barack Obama and Joe Biden. I do not support whichever party’s slate has the most female body parts. That would be sexist. I support Obama for some other reasons: When he was interviewed by David Remnick, editor of The New Yorker, at a magazine publishers’ conference and Remnick asked him to explain how he is different from President Bill Clinton, Obama...